Letter to my ex boyfriend

Today I received your text… apparently in your travels you have met loads of new, amazing friends and having the most wonderful time of your life. That was place we were planning to visit together later this year, the trip we were looking forward to. Well forgive me for not being entirely chuffed that you’re there without me honey, I’m still a little bitter about the whole thing even though you have said how sorry you are for hurting me and that you never meant to.

Well that’s just it, you never meant to do anything to hurt me, yet you did almost all the time towards the end. You never meant to miss our dates, you never meant to forget our anniversary, you never meant to not forget to call, you never meant to fuck off and forget about me…. Oh grow up.

If you’d have wanted to be with me and you love me as much as you still say you do then why are you not here right now begging me to take your back. Because you’re a liar and a coward and you’re scared that one day you may want the option to rekindle what we had so by being the nice guy… telling me you need your space, telling me you still love me, telling me that we can’t get back together YET, you’ve planted a poisonous seed in my mind that one day you will come back to me.

What a joke, as if I’d wait around for you my darling.

I’m not that desperate.

Five years we were together, five rollercoaster years that now have faded into distant memories. Even my dreams have given up on you… because you chose to give up on us. You told me when we first met that I was the one you’d been looking for your whole life. That was the other half of you. You even convinced me that we were soul mates. I was reluctant at first to give my heart up so easily but you wore me down, constantly making me feel so alive and close to you. We stayed together, through the bad times and through the good. We were the golden couple to many of our friends. We argued, we made up, we laughed, we cried, we went on adventures… we even spoke of the future of a family. I felt so safe with you, that you would never leave me (something u actually promised). You told me that I would leave you if we ever did split up because you loved me too much.

We had the best ingredients for an amazing relationship for a lifetime but then in the last year, little by little you messed it up. It was like your mind was in two places at once. You’d started earning more money than we’d ever had before. Working hard made you stressed and irritable. You were mean and not nice to be around. Still I didn’t expect you to turn around and say u wanted out. I knew you were unhappy but most people change their lifestyle, go back to the things that made them happy… your sport, your projects, the dreams you had that u let fall by the wayside. Instead u gave up me.

If you had told me you were falling out of love with me that I would have believed, it would have hurt like hell but I would have accepted it. Instead you tell me some crazy bullshit story that you’ve decided that people (like yourself) can’t be in relationships because they need to be free. WTF?? Really? So u expect me to believe u when u say that you’re never going to be with anyone else for the rest of your life? If you don’t love me anymore just say it. Don't lie. Go… find yourself and find out who u were, that was what you wanted wasn’t it? Don’t tell me your hurting just as much as me cos I don’t think so. If you could feel my pain then you’d know that what you’re feeling is only a fraction of the anguish you’ve caused me. And furthermore don’t make me feel bad that I didn’t want to be you friend. I needed time to get away from you and you constant texts and emails to see how I’m doing.

I’m doing fine, in fact I’m great and I’m just beginning to realize what a vacuum you were for all my time and energy. And if I see you and you tell me how happy you are that I’m happy one more time I’m not sure I’d be nice. And trust me… I’m trying to be.

So don’t worry, when you get back from your little trip (the one I’d waited 4 years to go on with you) I’ll be really nice, the best friend you always said I was. I’ve moved on that much that the sharp pain in my very core has subsided to an almost forgotten ache and you no longer have the power to make me cry.

I deserve someone who will appreciate everything I gave you and who won’t break the trust just because they were having a midlife.

Enjoy your new sports car that you bought to ‘take your mind off me’… oh wait, didn’t that breakdown and cost you twice as much as you bought it for? Oh yes… it did :)